Going through cancer has many potential dark places. On My last trip to the Image Center darkness was lifted as the Lord shifted my eyes off of Darlene and on to another. I did however say a small prayer for me while in that loud pounding MRI tunnel. I prayed for Amanda my Technician, for her and her son. For me a quick prayer that no cancer would be found in my spine. Fearing the worst based on my doctors phone call our son Chris decided he was taking off work and helping to get Dad to the cancer center to be with me when I heard the news. I am unable to lift and handle the wheel chair so Jerry doesn’t usually go with me. This was an exception. It was very crowded when we got there. I am always stunned at how many people are dealing with cancer. The nurses set us up in a private room. There was no place for Chris and Jerry to sit down in the infusion room. We didn’t even get seated and the nurse came and said Doctor wanted to see us before the infusion. This was unusual because they always put the Iv in and take blood to the lab before I see the doctor. Of course fear was mounting in all of us. Doctor came in and started with I have good news and bad news which do you want first. I of course said “Good news please”. The good news was that there was no cancer in my spine. I call that a miracle!!! The bad news is that the tumors in my lungs had shown some growth on this drug that I am on. It was very small growth, and the decision we had was, should we stay the course on the current drug, or change at this point. He said the next drug would be very hard on me and because the growth was small, we could give it another two months and scan again. If it has continued to grow we will have to go to the next option. We chose to stay with my current drug. Praise the Lord ! The doctor said we are taking a chance, but it is the chance I will gladly take because Jesus is my great Physician, who has seen me through this journey thus far and given me the courage to face each day with faith and hope. What was found in my spine was bulging disks and degenerative bone disease. Which is what is causing my back pain. Doctor said there wasn’t anybody who would do surgery with my active cancer. Pain pills are my best defence right now. This is crazy but I praise the Lord for bulging disks. So happy it wasn’t cancer. In the book The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Booms and her sister were in a concentration camp with miserable conditions. Beatings, hearing screams of others around camp, and of course uncomfortable living conditions. Straw mattresses filled with fleas were a huge problem for Corrie. Her sister Betsie said ” The Bible says we are to rejoice always, pray constantly, and give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus”. She even said they needed to pray for the fleas. Corrie thought for sure Betsie was wrong about that. She hated the fleas, but it turned out they were able to share the Lord and have good fellowship with other prisoners leading them to the Lord. The guards didn’t want to come into their Barracks because of the flea infestation. They stood between the bunks and thanked the Lord for the Fleas. I thank the Lord for the bulging disks in much the same way!!!! The Hiding Place is a wonderful book a must read. We all have dark places, and tunnels in our life at times. But the Lord is the Light at the end of all our tunnels!
It’s amazing how our emotions can swing from hope to fear and a little sadness in a phone call. I have been trying to be so strong and handle this with faith and grace. But this appointment for an MRI was definitely shaking all that I was holding on to. I went through the doors feeling very sad. The technician I had was a sweet girl. She got me all set up with tender care for my ride into that tube that I have begun to hate because I have had so many MRI’s. She then began to ask the questions. Why are you here? What are we looking at? Where is your pain? Tears started to stream from my eyes. I apologized and said “I’m just feeling a little emotional right now. She ran for a tissue for my tears. When she returned, I saw tears running down her cheeks. There was such a tenderness with this girl, I asked “Are you a Christian?” There was silence and more tears. She said, “Actually I am angry at God”. Still wiping my tears, I asked her Why. She began to tell me she is tired of watching someone she loves very much suffer. Her son only 11 years old had a health issue that had plagued him his for his whole young life. surgery’s and a lot of sickness. I was instantly overwhelmed with compassion and no longer thinking of me. I asked if I could pray for her boy and there as I lay in the MRI machine we touched heaven for her boy and for her. Both still wiping tears she said “I guess we better get going on this MRI”>. While in the Tube for about an hour I prayed for her and asked the Lord to renew her faith and help her let go of the anger. I heard the still small voice of the Lord say “You tell her she can be angry at anyone she wants but not ME. She needs Me.” So when I came out of the machine, as she helped me to sit up I said “I was praying for you and the Lord told me to tell you something. I repeated what the Lord said. She hugged me real tight and thanked me. I thanked her and with red eyes we said goodbye. That is why I had that MRI Appt. It wasn’t about me. I did pray while in there that there would be no cancer in my spine. And I had asked her to pray also. The Lord is my fortress, and I must run to Him in times of trouble. He is waiting for us to run into his arms of safety in times like that. I love you Lord and thank you for turning my sadness into joy as I realized it was a Devine appointment that I had. The Fortress pictured is one I had just visited in the Dominican Republic. Built in the 1800’s by the Spanish.
My Husband and I were blessed recently to be able to go on a two week cruise to the Caribbean. Having never been there before, we were amazed to see Gods creation in those beautiful islands. Different cultures on each Island were very interesting and fun to experience. The best thing of all though was the color and beauty of the water . So different from the Atlantic or the Pacific. We were blessed in the Eastern Caribbean and the Western Caribbean. The down side is the day after returning to Colorado I became really ill and remained sick for almost a month. Then I started having some very intense back pain. All the while I was thanking the Lord for the wonderful two weeks in paradise He had given us. So glad we went! The pain increased and I told my oncologist about it. He immediately ordered a Cat Scan. Waiting for that scan report wasn’t easy, and made more difficult with a call from my doctor saying the Cat Scan did not look good, he ordered an MRI of my back stating he thought the cancer had spread to my spine. The cancer is already in my lungs and bones. It is in my femurs in both legs, my ribs and my right hip. So I thought this might be the beginning of the end. But the Lord is Good, compassionate and full of Love.